New Year’s Day. Typically, this is a day known for making those dreaded things known as “New Year’s Resolutions.” I’m going to lose weight, quit smoking, cut back on alcohol, manage my money better, spend less time on electronics … you get the idea. In short, there is something wrong with me that I need to change.
With this post I am not going to say that it is a bad idea to identify lifestyle changes we can make which will improve our wellbeing and quality of life. However, I wonder if there is not a better way to go at bringing these changes about.
When we go at things in the normal way, we are identifying aspects of our lives that we see as ingrained flaws. It is a very easy, and, almost unavoidable, step to see these things not as flawed actions but rather as indicators of flaws of our core being. Then, as is so often the case, when we fail to keep these resolutions, we see ourselves as failures. We condemn and beat ourselves up as flawed individuals who just do not measure up and can never change.
In the course of my 66 years I have observed two things. One is the negative results of harsh criticism. There have been those people in my life who were always finding fault with everything I did. I eventually came to have a “go to hell” attitude toward them. Nothing they said had very much impact on me.
The other thing that I have noticed is how often I am an even harsher critic of myself than anyone else ever thought of being.
Can I get an “Amen!” from anyone?
Let me share one other thing with you before I wrap things up. In 1991 I met someone who was a member of the church at which I had just been called to pastor. He was a Harvard trained doctor and had quite a few years seniority in age on me. I remember the first time he approached me with a criticism. My initial internal reaction was to bristle at and reject his remarks. At first, I simply thought he liked to be critical. However, I was fortunate enough to see underneath the surface of this somewhat brusque New Hampshire Yankee. His remarks were not prompted by a selfish need to make himself feel better by pointing out someone else’s faults. I came to see that the primary motivation for his criticism was a genuine concern for me to be the best person I could be. I love this man. He is one of the very few people in my life who could positively speak to me concerning hard issues about myself. I felt safe when he pointed out negative things. He was being honest, not harsh and condemning. He cared and wanted the best for me.
Instead of beating ourselves up, can we simply be honest and compassionate with ourselves? Can we allow ourselves space and time to make positive changes? Can we honestly assess what we can achieve and give ourselves forgiveness for flaws we do not have the ability to overcome? Can we cheer ourselves on and quit whipping ourselves into a paralyzed mass of quivering jello?
Give yourself permission and encouragement for you to be you while reaching for better things that are hidden inside of you.
Think about it.
You are loved. Peace.
NOTE: I am scheduled to have surgery on Wednesday of this upcoming week. I have been told to expect to be in the hospital for somewhere between five to seven days following the procedure. I would appreciate positive thoughts, vibes, energy, prayers or whatever you could send my way. I will update you the next time I am able to send out a post to you. Thank you.
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