There are two characters from literature who have become synonymous with a negative Christmas spirit. I am, of course, speaking of Ebenezer Scrooge and the Grinch. With a “Bah! Humbug!” attitude and hatred of the Whos they are quintessential symbols of anyone and everyone who does not have a proper Christmas spirit.
But --- I wonder.
It can be so easy to jump to conclusions and form baseless opinions about someone who is not jolly, joyous, and merry at this time of year.
When I worked as a hospital chaplain some years back I entered the work thinking that people who were alcoholics and drug abusers were basically just unfeeling people who thought only of themselves. But as a chaplain at this hospital I had a lot of interaction with people who struggled with addiction. When I closed my mouth and opened my ears and heart I discovered how wrong I was in most cases. These people actually cared more than most. The pain and suffering of others that they could not help overwhelmed them. They tried to deal with it by numbing their minds and spirits with drugs and alcohol. This, in turn, hurt those they loved and added to their own pain and self-loathing. My heart broke for them.
At Christmastime it is easy to think that the Scrooges and Grinches of the world are just mean-spirited, hateful grumpopotamuses. But, are we making that assessment without knowing their complete story? Is there crushing loss of people dear to them weighing them down? Are there broken dreams and unfulfilled expectations about life that have shattered their spirits? Things such as this and so many others can be a part of their story. Christmas can magnify joy, but it can also intensify pain. Possibilities such as i have mentioned and so many others can make it impossible for them to enter into a “voices singing, let’s be jolly. Deck the halls with boughs of holly,” attitude.
If you are someone who thinks this is “the most wonderful time of the year” I want you to absolutely enjoy it to the fullest. But if you bump into one of those people who cannot enter into that spirit of joy, please do not try to shame, cajole, force, or fix them into doing so. Find some time to simply sit quietly with them in their pain. Quietly share a loving plate of cookies or snacks and a glass of eggnog (perhaps with a nice dollop of the Captain added for good measure) and reassure them that they are loved.
If you are someone who finds this time of year to be one that is crushing to you because you feel so much pain, please do not add guilt to the pain with which you are struggling. It is okay to not feel happy and merry at this time of year. This season will pass. Please, just hold on. If you have someone who keeps insisting that you cheer up, in a gentle way tell them to go ef themselves.
The coming of the Christ Child was not to tell the world that all would be merry and bright. It was to show that love is willing to quietly and gently affirm the worth and struggle of those who are broken by despair.
You ARE loved!
May peace find a way to seep into your soul.
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